How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
