I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
