They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
