I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize