omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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