the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
