It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
