Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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