I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
