We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
