She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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