i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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