They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
