it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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