Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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