every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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