I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
