Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Two words: blizzard sex
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
