glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
