I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
