If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
two words: eviction party
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
