I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
