Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
