i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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