Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
