You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
