left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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