No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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