but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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