Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize