We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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