I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
