I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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