they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
