i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize