Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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