I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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