you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
