So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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