you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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