My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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