hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
