So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
