Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
