I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
