the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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