News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Vodka?
Forever.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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