listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
