bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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