everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
