Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
