ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
