your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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