similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
