Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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