my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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