I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
