Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
