there's paper in my vomit.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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