Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
