Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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