I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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