i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
