So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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