I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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